Pilgrim Notes

Reflections along the way.

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Remembering July 4

In my earliest memories of July 4th, I am waking up with a sense of excitement that today is a bit like Christmas. Something special is going to happen. Unlike Christmas, this something special is happening to our neighborhood, our community. At some point, our family will walk to the end of the street with our neighbors and soon a parade of floats and scouts and bands will march past. Candy is flying through the air.

As the final float passes by, our family and our neighbors join in the procession that marches down to the heart of the town. It was a small town in New Jersey with a large Jewish community. So large in fact, that two days a week buses lined up outside of school to take most of the students to Hebrew lessons. The rest of us stayed behind and learned other languages like French. I forgot the language but remember the bonbons.

That detail was important because as we gathered in the middle of town, we weren’t divided by faith or race or political stripe. It was a mixture of cultures and people, gathering to picnic, play games, hear music, watch a movie, and even see fireworks. As a child, July 4th was about family and community and picnicking and playing. We waved the flag and stood for the anthem, but this all stood for something about the underlying bond between us and our neighbors. This bond was bigger than the ethnicities and political issues exploding in the 60s. I was too young to understand the arguments at work in the culture, but I was not too young to value the joy of gathering with the community. Yes, there was a distant memory behind this gathering of the founding of the nation, but for me it was a celebration of the people I could see around me.

As I remember these simple events today, I am thinking about the gift of that little town and those people who vanished from my memory when we moved away. Somehow thinking of that little town today in light of July 4th, seems to be tied with the wonder of being born. GK Chesterton writes,  “The supreme adventure is being born. There we do walk suddenly into a splendid and startling trap… When we step into the family, by the act of being born, we do step into a world which is incalculable, into a world which has its own strange laws, into a world which could do without us, into a world we have not made. In other words, when we step into the family we step into a fairy-tale.”

At any point in history, people are born into a world plagued with pain and struggle but also wonder and light. Celebrating this national holiday for me is like celebrating my birthday, my family, my town, my nation. In each of those areas, there are problems and challenges, and yet this is wonder, potential for love, the gift of life, and the opportunity to give back to family, to town, and to nation. I remember the historical moment and forming a statement of belief, of intent in the words of the Declaration of Independence, but I also remember how this moment is bound up with smaller moments, smaller places, and smaller groups of people who learn to relate as friend, as neighbor, as fellow American. I would hope that I might celebrate the larger vision while honoring a smaller path: that I might be a blessing to my neighbor, my fellow citizen, and that together, we might be a blessing to the world.  

Attending to Jesus

Tokyo (image by Giuseppe Milo, Creative Commons)

“Pay attention!” the teacher cried out as I gazed off into space.

I was paying attention, but not to her. I was puzzling over whether or not I was from this planet or was merely visiting among these humans.

Over the years, I’ve come to think children are quite good at paying attention, but not necessarily to adults. They actually see and hear the world that most adults no longer see or see dimly. They still carry the wonder of existence burning alive within them.

When Jesus walked the earth, he was often healing blind eyes and opening deaf ears. In past generations, blindness and deafness had been signs of judgment for idolatry. The act of turning away from the Creator and worshipping the creation, deadened the senses and the heart to truly see and hear and know the love of God. Without the love and life of God burning in the soul, humans and other aspects of creation became objects of consumption.

Sadly, we still have a tendency to reduce people and places and all the wonders of this world into objects for our own pleasures while failing to behold the grandeur all around us. First and foremost, creation (which includes everything from planets to people to photons) bears witness to the Glory of God.

We are invited to pay attention to this world of witness. Sometimes it is easier to pay attention to the way people and places let us down. It is easy to pay attention to all the wrongs that inconvenience our lives. It is easy to pay attention to the mistakes of others while looking blindly past our own failings.

We might do well to ask Jesus to open our own blind eyes and dear ears. Lent is one season when we seek to practice the habit of looking to Jesus. As Ole Hallesby says, “To pray is to open our hearts to Jesus.” We turn. We pray. We wait. We watch.

We are learning to “pay attention” to Jesus Christ.

Lent doesn’t mean that we stop working, stop raising children, stop paying bills. We still live in the struggles and distractions of daily living. We might simply ask Jesus to open our eyes to His presence in the middle of the moments in our day. We might simply pause over some verse of Scripture or some prayer of confession.

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and
by what we have left undone.[1]

We pause. Lord, how have I sinned against you. What thoughts, what words, what deeds failed in love? We wait. We listen. The Spirit can help us to remember how we turned away from God and His love. He can reveal patterns of thinking, speaking, and acting that move us away from His love. Lord have mercy.

This posture of opening our hearts to Jesus makes room for us to behold His gentle presence around and within us. Yes, He is free to use dramatic crisis like speaking to Moses through a burning bush or knocking Paul to the ground, but He can also walk alongside as we wander toward Emmaus.

Repentance can involve great tears and a great struggle of the soul, but it can also look like the person turning quietly toward Jesus and listening, watching, and waiting throughout the day. In some small measure, we turn toward the Lord when we eat. We pause and offer thanks for the food, for the moment, for the company.

This simple pattern of turning and offering thanks can become part of the rhythm of each moment of our day: whether we are chasing children or projects or sitting in a quiet chapel. A short pause. A quiet thanks. A simple turning.

We may begin to see people as created by God, created in love, created for His glory. I might offer thanks for the officer who hands me a speeding ticket or the server who hands me a drink. Each person, each place, each thing bears witness to the glory of God.

Jesus is teaching us by His Spirit and in His Word to see and hear, to really see and hear the heavens declaring the glory of God and the skies proclaiming the work of His hands. Throughout the day, we are simply joining a chorus already in motion, a song that is already being sung.

This gentle turning to the Lord as we move through the day is not limited to things, it is about people and conversations and books and even buildings. All creation is bearing witness even the creations of humans. Simultaneously, all creation can become an idol in place of God. Part of the healing work of redemption is to deliver us from enslaving idolatries to eyes that see and ears that hear a world created in and for the glory of God.

Repentance is a daily habit to returning. It is spiritual medicine for the soul. We are returning to Jesus, to the author and finisher of our faith. In this turning to Jesus, we are lifting up moments, people, joys, and sorrows to Him in worship and surrender.

There is a long habit in the church of ending the day by lifting up the moments of that day before the Lord: rehearsing special joys as well as pains, personal struggles as well as success. The day is filled with so many moments that we could spend a long time rehearsing the day. Then again, we might pause over two or three moments that stand out. Both good and bad. It might be an argument, an angry thought, a special conversation, a beautiful picture, a great quote, a song we loved, or any number of items. We pause over each one, remembering it in the presence of the Lord. Thanking Him. Confessing our sin. Pausing and listening.

It might be that we see these moments through a new light. That we see the person, the event, the quote with greater clarity. We might see or hear it in light of Christ, of Scripture, of the church. We may even might sense a call to respond.

With this in mind, I return to Ole Hallesby’s quote, “To pray is to open our hearts to Jesus.”

May we begin our days and end our days by opening our hearts to Jesus. And maybe, we’ll begin to sense the promptings of His Spirit from moment to moment each day, and all of life will become an opening to Jesus.

[1] The Episcopal Church, The Book of Common Prayer and Administration of the Sacraments and Other Rites and Ceremonies of the Church (New York: Church Publishing Incorporated, 2007), 79.

Advent – Hope Draws Near

Image by Darren Hsu (used by Creative Commons permission)

Advent tears open the night like a flash of lightning hope. It sounds an alarm, awaking us from the stupor of struggle and toil. Our world is lulled to sleep by the droning of kings, the marching of boots, and the frenzy of crisis. Not just this age, but every age.

When Hebrew exiles finally returned home after seventy years of captivity, they were like those who dream. Years later, the Temple and the land still sat in rubble as discouragement replaced courage to rebuild the ancient ruins. Emperors rose and fell. Rulers came and went. Everyone sought to carve out his own little kingdom, but all the kingdoms were falling even at the height of glory. Kings and kingdoms continue conquering while also failing and falling from glory.

Advent shakes the soul awake to The King, The Judge, The One and Only Hope for all creation. When he speaks the earth trembles, and everything that can shake will shake. He comes not to kill, steal, and destroy, but to heal the brokenhearted, set the fatherless in families, and welcome the weak and weary into His yoke of love.

In this night of worldly worry, let us lift up our eyes for hope is drawing near. The longing of ages, the Savior of humanity is come, has come, will come. He’s breaking into our lives even now.

Remembering Our Story

Image by nerkles (used by permission via Creative Commons)

Christmas lights are popping up in the neighborhood and holiday tunes dance through the stores. It’s time for the yearly gluttony of eating and buying. It’s also time for Advent, a season of repentance, focused on watching and waiting for the coming of the Lord. The call to devotion and the call to consume compete for attention.

It is tempting to bemoan the incongruity, but this juxtaposition of spirit and flesh has been common in every age. Late medieval communities often held the Advent call to times of fasting and prayer alongside the unusual and Christmas rituals of cross-dressing, public drunkenness, gluttony, and the ongoing threat of mobs demanding “figgy pudding” and more from the wealthy residents.

Puritan opposition to Christmas was in part due to the reckless and dangerous behaviors present during the season. They also feared that the various feasts and fasts of the church year could distract from the primary emphasis of each Sunday as Resurrection Day. I value their emphasis on the Resurrection even as I celebrate the rhythms of the year. It simply reminds me of the value of proclaiming and hearing the Gospel each Sunday and feasting at the Lord’s Table.

Keeping the focus on God’s redeeming action has always been a challenge. Popular trends can distract us from observing the rhythms of the church year. It’s easy to feel caught between the demands of work, family and life with the call to worship God in all things. I believe the rhythm of the year can help us as we face this tension. Learning the simple rhythms of the year can help us to grow into a life of devotion over time. We don’t have to escape the culture but learn small ways of turning our hearts toward the Lord.

Ancient Israel felt the tension of surrounding cultures dedicated to land gods. Their harvest festivals included sexual deviancy and other forbidden behaviors. The Lord instructed Israel to turn the harvest seasons into times of remembrance of his grace. During the barley festival, Israel celebrated the Passover feast. During the wheat harvest, Israel celebrated the feast of Pentecost, and during the fruit harvest, Israel celebrated the feast of Booths. Historical events that marked God’s redeeming action in their midst became the focal point of the celebration. While surrounding cultures were celebrating harvest feasts, Israel was remembering the Lord’s action as He redeemed them from Egypt, gave them the Ten Commandments, and led them through the wilderness. These joyful celebrations were a form of festal memory. As the Hebrews rehearsed patterns of trust in God’s faithfulness they were being re-oriented in time and space toward a life of true worship.

Active remembering is not simply thinking or speaking about God’s redeeming action. It includes specific foods, music, movement, and reflection. This physical and spiritual remembering is making the past present. The descendants in the Promised Land could say that they were a slaves in Egypt redeemed by the Lord. In Deuteronomy, the parent is exhorted to train the child in the midst of all the postures of a typical day: standing, seated, lying down, and walking. These daily actions and festal actions were ways of training the memory and the body in the way of the Lord.

I would suggest that the church year is based on this same way of involving the body and the heart in remembering God’s goodness in our midst. In the middle of a world turned away from God, we re-turn to the Lord through the rhythm of daily prayer, weekly worship, and yearly cycles of remembering. The feasts and fasts of the church year are times set aside for remembering the historical action of God in Jesus Christ. As we remember, we bring the range of human emotions and experiences from birth to death into worship. We rehearse in worship, in song, in Scripture, and in story the grief of pain and loss, the hope of God’s faithfulness, and the joy of His surprise coming.

The Door of Advent

Image by Jamie McCaffrey (used by permission via Creative Commons)

When I was little, we hung Advent calendars with little doors that opened for each day leading to Christmas. Then one day I stepped through one of those little doors. It was like stepping into a giant house. When I really discovered Advent, I discovered the church year and a way of walking through days and weeks of the year in the stories and songs of my fathers and mothers of the faith.

For over twenty years, I’ve been exploring old hallways, half-forgotten rooms, and pictures and poems that fill this house of memory. In fact, it might be more accurate to speak of a boat instead of a house. For the church year is like sailing around the globe each year. The tale of St. Brendan the Navigator reveals the church year through the pilgrimage of a small group of monks in search of the Holy Isle. During their seven-year journey, they celebrate the feast days on various islands. Each time they stop, they feast, worship, remember and continue their journey. Their time is shaped by the stories of Scripture and the revelation of Jesus Christ.

You might say that when we celebrate the church year, we step through the door of Advent and onto the boat with St. Brendan. I discovered Advent as a solace. As a place to face my own broken places and my own longing for the coming of the Lord. I watched and waited alongside Isaiah, Jeremiah, Zechariah, and the Jews exiled to the dark land of Babylon. Their stories and longing took form in the cries of John the Baptist as he pointed toward the Coming One.

When I gaze at icons and art of the church, John the Baptist is still pointing to the Coming One. “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.” The church year opens with a world on the verge of collapse and the judgment of God looming. In the middle of this dark scene, he points us to our glorious Lord who comes to make things right.

Each season of the year points us to stories of the faithful and unfaithful who are all in desperate need of the grace of God. The church year gave me a way to rehearse and revisit the stories of the Old and New Testament as the story of my family, our family.

Instead of always looking for the latest newest take of spiritual life and formation, we may find a joy in discovering and rediscovering some ancient thoughts on the spiritual life and formation through sermons, prayers, and lives of great men and women of faith who walked in the simple rhythms of feast and fast.

Every year, I begin the journey again. Relearning the rhythm, the dance of faith that can sing in the dark, worship in the face of calamity, and celebrate the mostly hidden gifts that overwhelm us every single day of the year. Whether you’ve walked this path your whole life or are just discovering the pattern of the church year, I invite you to walk alongside as we share stories of faith, prayers of longing and seek to keep our eyes watching as we wait for the coming of our Lord.

Remembering 9/11

Image by Jörg Schubert

Each year on September 11, I listen to the voices of friends, family, and strangers rehearse their memories of the day we were attacked. The sudden news pouring through television, texts, radio stations, and phones calls, seemed unreal. The skies became silent. Our never-ending movement ended. For a season, we all lived in slow motion. As our nation mourned, the world mourned with us.

The true horror of the event began unfolding. People felt shock, fear, grief, mourning, loss, anger, and confusion. Every time I read people’s stories and listen to tributes or memorials, I am struck by the sense of shattering: a picture of the world crashing down into uncountable pieces like the shards of the twin towers. As we watched and continue to remember the horror of a world crumbling into dust, we see a glimpse of the utter brokenness of humanity.

This event, this memory is yet another echo, another reverberation, another tremor of sin that stretches across the history of the world. The utter sinfulness of sin is the undoing of all things: all joy, all love, all beauty, all peace. In every age, in every culture, in every moment, and in every person, this tremor ripples through all existence. Some people have been so aware of this darkness, this brokenness, they could not bear to leave their rooms. Or simply, they could not bare it, so they didn’t.

The tremors of this brokenness also shook many people in the 14th and 15th centuries, and they began to worship death. We can still find tapestries memorializing the danse macabre (dance of death) as groups paraded across as living skeletons, awaiting their coming repose. The horrors of plague, famine, war, and torture, brutalized much of Europe in ways that seemed random and meaningless. Faith grew cold. Hearts grew weak.

We experience of glimmer of this pain on September 11. When I reflect on that day, I remember sitting in a coffee shop with a group of ministers who were actually having a prayer meeting. Suddenly our phones lit up with non stop texts, and our prayers shifted to lamentations and cries for mercy. Two weeks later I was scheduled to do a retreat on holy fools with my close friends and academic advisors Michael and Darlene. We chose not to cancel but to remember the strange stories of fools from across the ages even as we grappled with our own grief and fear. Russia in particular has celebrated the role of these wandering fools for God whose lives seem out of sync with the rough and tumble life of the world.

When I think of September 11, I also think of the 14th century and other eras in human history when the world seemed to come to an end amidst of the terrors of the day. I also think of the horrors some people face every day of existence.

I think of Ivan Karamazov and his cynicism due partly to the evil that drowns our world each day. Sometimes it feels as though Ivan gains more followers with each passing year and each passing evil. But then I also think of Alexei Karamazov, Ivan’s brother. HIs simple faith and simple response to the world seems naive. He comes to us as a holy fool not quite fitting in the monastery and not quite fitting in the world of men.

In a world where evil seems to abound on the right and the left, we might look for a few more holy fools. Those who’ve abandoned dignity and glory and justification and have discovered the mystery of God’s love that reverberates even more strongly than the rising darkness. This love does not look or operate like evil. It comes across and gentle and weak and on the verge of failure. And yet, it glistens with the light of Christ Himself. His weak and failing love seeps beneath our sorrows, our weaknesses, our failures, and even the tremors of evil shaking the world.

Walking in His love feels a bit like falling. He unsteadies our confidences. He reorients our ears and eyes, so that finally we begin to look and act in ways that seem foolhardy. Like Alexei, we see His light and love where others see only hate and darkness. By his grace, we learn to move in this light of love even when it means failure and possibly even death. Like little children, we continue to walk in this love step by step. Slowly learning to trust. For this love can never, will never be extinguished. It is a love that walks through death and will continue pouring out life into the heart of the world until evil is no more.

Meeting Moses

Moses Breaking the Tablets by John Martin (1833)

Lent reminds me of seasons of life that are lived in the desert. There are times in life when we must change, must adjust to unexpected difficulties, struggles in workplace, and loss in health or relations or even in spiritual vitality. The Lord does not abandon us in times of great challenge but is often calling us into a newness of life.

This calling may feel more like desert than oasis. In the desert, distractions magnify under the burning sun. Visions of Egyptian food and Egyptian ways beckon. Old idols sing siren songs. If not for the grace of God, the demons in St. Anthony’s cave would overcome us.

The desert provokes crisis. What I thought was my talent may be stripped away in the struggle. Those successes I hid behind or long desired vanish like a noonday mirage. What is it that I thought I needed to make me who I am? Income? Job? Accolades? Successes? or even Defeats? What happens when I lose those things I think are vital to my identity? What about my dreams or my story? I may have envisioned myself on a particular path, and I may have even told the story of my life in a particular way. Then suddenly I meet God on the path.

Maybe he knocks me on the ground like Saul. Maybe he wrestles me and cripples me like Jacob. Maybe like Jeremiah, he calls me to a place where the world seems to be falling apart. The desert is a place for dying and for being born again.

As I am wrestling with God to preserve some sense of my own importance, Moses appears. I see a fading glimpse of my calling. At first, Moses seems like fire streaming down the mountain.

He knows the desert. Like a dead man walking, he left a world behind and vanished into the wild. Stark living stripped him, unmade him. At the edge of nowhere, the fiery Voice of the Lord drew him up from the dust: recalled to life.

This burning man consumed the powers of Egypt and lead a band of slaves into the Holy Fear. He stands in the fire on the mountain. His people tremble before the Voice that creates and destroys.  Call it the horror of the holy. Standing naked before the face of Love is like facing the flaming sword of Eden.

Moses reminds me that we are called to a blazing fire of love. The Spirit beckons. We face the Lord. He wounds and heals. We hear the Word of Love resounding like rushing waters in the midst of flames.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12).

This call, this wound of love may be as dramatic as a desert journey that leads to the end of one life and the beginning of the another. It may also seem much smaller like the daily renunciations of self importance, self identity, self focus. It may be the little challenges of work and family and life. It may be the long letting go into the hands of God as he forms me into a flame of love.

 

Advent Blues

Image by Chris Lim (used by permission via Creative Commons).

The darkness closes in. Sadness, grief, loss, or some unspeakable sense of emptiness paralyzes. Each step feels like walking against the tide, pressing against of wall of nothingness. It seems easier to close the blinds. Turn over in bed. Lay in the dark. Continue reading

Advent – Collapse and Hope

Image by Manchester Fire (used by permission via Creative Commons).

Sun and moon turned dark. Stars falling from skies. Smoke and fire in the sky. Everything is quaking.

Welcome to Advent…The beginning of the end of all things.

Advent breaks into our world like a thunderclap or a meteor crashing down from the skies and reverberating across the land. Who can sleep when the world is tumbling into cataclysm?

Advent comes like a crisis, like a wildfire, like an explosion that shatters our comfortable worlds.

The culture is filling the air with songs of holly and jolly, with heart-warming commercials of gifts given and relationships forged afresh.

The Scripture readings at the start of Advent focus on families falling apart, nations battling nations, children rising against parents. The texts look a bit closer to our present reality. In Mark 13, all that is holy has been desecrated and made desolate. The places of refuge are crumbling war zones where security is nowhere to be found. Continue reading

Advent Resources

Here are a few Advent meditations that have blessed me. One of the earliest books I read on Advent, was a selection of poems from Ann Weems. Her conversational poems speak to our human longing and struggle to pause before the mystery of God’s coming. Alfred Delp and Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s sermons were written from Nazi prisons and carry the weight of a soul waiting human judgment while looking for the coming of God in Christ. There are some paintings from across the ages that explore the nativity. One quick way to get started is by looking at Nativity on Wikiart (some pictures are not relevant but most are). Continue reading

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