I am writing a series of meditations on the Psalms of Ascent. This first psalm of ascending begins in the depths of suffering. As I tried to hear the rhythms of this psalm in my soul, I kept imagining the Holocaust. Is God present in the darkest, depths of suffering? As I read and reflect on this Psalm, I think of all who are immersed in depths of suffering. In the night of war and pain and forsakenness, our only hope is found in the goodness and mercy of God.

Psalm 120

The words of the psalmist burned in Daniel’s mind,

“In my distress I called unto the Lord, and He answered me.”

As he rehearsed these words, his mind drifted to visions of God’s people gathering in Jerusalem at the Temple. He had never seen the Temple. In fact, he didn’t know anyone that had seen the Temple. But he still dreamed.

He could see his father assembling the sukkah for a week of festival. A temporary dwelling place, the sukkah provided a place of celebration and worship for seven days every year. His family would gather with other families building their sukkahs. And for one week, they would feast and sing and dwell together.

They were remembering. Remembering the children of Israel as they crossed the wilderness. Remembering the long and winding pilgrimage of their ancestors across time. Remembering the faithfulness of the Lord.

Ever year, they celebrated the Feast of Tabernacles as their father and forefathers had done. Every year they went on pilgrimage. Every year they dreamed of the Land, the Temple, and the G-d who had not forsaken them.

As Daniel dreamed, he was back at the feast, celebrating with the village and people of his youth. They surrounded him, protected him, guarded him.

But now they seemed so far away. Like the psalmist of ages ago, he was surrounded by vicious liars,

“O the Lord, deliver my soul from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue.”

These vile men cursed and spit upon him. And his soul burned in anger.

“What shall be given unto thee, and what shall be done more unto thee, thou deceitful tongue? Sharp arrows of the mighty, with coals of broom.”

O that G-d would strike down these evil doers! Again and again and again, he would repeat the refrain,

“In my distress I called unto the Lord, and He answered me.”

He knew the Lord was faithful. He remembered. He remembered stories of the One who  led His people through water and fire. Vivid stories of the pilgrim people burned in his memory, and he was immersed in the cloud by day and the fire by night. He could see the handful of pilgrims who gradually repopulated Palestine after the long years of captivity.

He could hear his father’s voice retelling the stories of their own ancestors making pilgrimage to the land of his youth. They were a pilgrim people, wandering the wastelands of the world while looking to the Lord who had called them out. Out of the land of Ur, out of the land of Egypt, out of the land of Babylon.

But now he had been called out by a company of barbarians.

“Woe is me, that I sojourn with Meshech, that I dwell beside the tents of Kedar!”

These uncouth and vile people hated the Lord, despised the covenant and desecrated the land. He hated them. Finally he understood the anger of the psalmist toward the wicked. Finally he understood why there were times to curse.

Aching for the presence of the Lord, he gently intoned the words,

“In my distress I called unto the Lord, and He answered me.”

As he considered the words of the prayer, the smells of sukkot swirled in his mind. First the pungent citrus odor of etrog bathed his memories and he thought about a promised fruit that would bring healing for the nations.

He thought about tables covered with chicken stews and meat pies and stuffed cabbage and peppers and tomatoes. There were pumpkin cakes and walnut-covered pears soaking in fruit juices. Figs and dates and almond shortbread. The feast never seemed to end.

He heard people singing and talking. And he almost laughed out loud as he heard his father’s stories told and retold and retold yet again.

A kick in the gut reminded him that this was not a feast.

“My soul hath full long had her dwelling with him that hateth peace. I am all peace; but when I speak, they are for war.”

As his heart cried out for the peace of Jerusalem, his body felt the pangs of war. Shoved into a train car, his body crushed into hundreds of other sukkot pilgrims. The foul odors of defecation choked him and he gasped in prayer.

The pilgrim train hurled into the darkness of death, and Daniel softly repeated the refrain,

“In my distress I called unto the Lord, and He answered me.”

And he dreamed.

He dreamed of seeing the Temple. He dreamed of gathering with other pilgrims before the Lord in Zion. He dreamed of a feast that would never end.

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